BEING A VICTIM AND BECOMING THE HERO

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As a Coach, I am always triggered with immense compassion when I meet people who talk about their lives in a negative way because of a past experience or current circumstance that came up beyond their control and I instinctively feel so much desire to see them liberated from that hindrance.

We can all come across challenging circumstances in all areas of our lives that impact our overall happiness. Sometimes, without realising it, we allow them to irrationally hold us back from living the vision of our true selves that we know lies within.

Examples of these could be:

  • Love life: your long-term partner leaves you.

  • Work life: you are made redundent from a job you love and pays you well.

  • Health: a negative life-altering diagnosis.

  • Finance: unfortunate circumstances that cause inhibiting debt.

  • Family: finding out you can’t have children, when you desperately want them.

These kind of things can shake, or even shatter, your current life experience.

In my experience it was, unsurprisingly, realising I was gay and eventually coming out. This was something I could not change, and for many years, when I was in the closet, it was like I was living with this secret illness that I was trying to deny I had, but the hiding of it was slowly eating away at my spirit and self-esteem. At the age of 20, when I finally came out at University, I had an overwhelming anxiety attack where my inner world imploded and I didn’t know who I was anymore.

My coming out was meant to be a liberating moment, but conversely the sudden declaration triggered some sort of subconscious nervous breakdown. My everyday world was suddenly foreign to me and for almost half a year I was shrouded in a terrifying cloud of dread and darkness, feeling literally disconnected from everything. On the outside you would not have noticed, as I ‘acted’ normal, but on the inside it was like a psychological massacre was occurring.

It was like I had opened up that closet in which I resided, where my belongings were neatly organised in my own private little world, and then by opening up the door, everything just spilled out in a big chaotic mess that I could not control and I became consumed with panic. It truly felt like there was nothing I could do to reduce the anxiety and that my life as I knew it was over.

Well, to cut a long story short, after a bit of counselling, I was able to take some time out to stand back, examine that mess, evaluate this new situation and how this new me was now going to be in the world, putting my life back together, slowly. Now, I feel the real liberation has been discovering who I really am, besides being gay, and truly living that. I feel like I am mostly there, with some setbacks along the way, in becoming a much healthier and internally happy person.

This was an unexpectedly dramatic account of my own experience (I do get carried away sometimes – haha!), but I feel it is a good example of a negative situation that seems to rupture your world, and you think there isn’t a way out, when in fact there just may be.

Inside us all lies an infinite wealth of strength and creative wisdom that is just waiting to be harvested, by no-one else but you. The challenge is developing those harvesting skills, when you haven’t had to before.

So I ask you this: in what ways do you feel you are a victim to any negative circumstances in your life; something you feel you cannot change?

And as an exercise, imagine yourself as the protagonist of your own movie that presents this situation, and how that protagonist may turn that situation around through a flash light-bulb moment of insight that they instinctively acted upon; that became the catalyst to an incredible chain of events that saw them heroically climb out of that hole, make that seemingly impossible leap to the other side, confront that person they see as holding them back or finally calm that inner storm.

Imagine how it would feel later on in your life, to tell that amazing story to others of how you didn’t just survive, but you thrived.

I certainly am getting to that point where I am regularly telling my story of how I have overcome the various adversaries that were a result of my negative perceptions of being gay and it really does feel amazing.

All this is possible on your own, but of course Life Coaching is a great way to get you on the right track, shift those negative habitual thoughts and accelerate the journey. So feel free to get in touch!

Take care for now.

Oliver

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